You Might Be Canadian If…

. . . if most of your clothing has Canadian beer logos on them.
. . . if you’ve ever hummed “Bud the Spud”.
. . . if you’ve never realized that most of the lyrics in Gordon Lightfoot’s “Wreck of the Edmond Fitzgerald” don’t rhyme.
. . . if most of your wardrobe is plaid (including hats).
. . . if you like the music of Gordon Lightfoot, Stompin’ Tom, or Buffy Sainte Marie.
. . . if you know who Gordon Lightfoot, Stompin’ Tom, or Buffy Sainte Marie are.
. . . if you actually like to wear a toque.
. . . if you mix French and English in the same sentence. (This only applies if you’re a Francophone.)
. . . if you’ve ever been “out and about”.
. . . if you “hang out” at Tim Horton’s.
. . . if you use the words “friggin'” or “arse” or “friggin’ arse! ” on a regular basis.
. . . if you have a bumper sticker or an article of clothing that says “If
you’re Canadian, show me your beaver.”
. . . if you insist that Americans should know more about Canada, despite the fact the only part of America that exists for you is Florida.
. . . if you have Canadian Tire catalogues in your house. (Extra points for any “really old” ones.)
. . . if you find any cartoon beaver funny.
. . . if you only watched “the Beachcombers” to see what Relic was up to.
. . . if you know who Relic is.
. . . if you’ve ever used your kitchen to dress/butcher game, make “chow” or pickled beets.
. . . if you had to find out which leaves make good toilet paper, mainly because you can’t use a dollar bill any more.
. . . if you’ve told people you were a “government artist”, because you were “drawing” pogey.
. . . if any beer under 6% is considered good only for pouring on your “Shreddies” in the morning.
. . . if your entire French vocabulary was gleaned from cereal boxes.
. . . if you think Don Cherry should be Prime Minister, or better still Minister of Foreign Affairs.
. . . if you know “jacking deer” isn’t a sexual innuendo.
. . . if you own an ice auger.
. . . if you have a “good” parka for formal occasions.
. . . if you consider Kraft Dinner, ketchup, beer and Crispy Crunch as the four major food groups.
. . . if you shop exclusively at Canadian Tire for Christmas presents.
. . . if your snowmobile or chainsaw payments have a higher priority than your car payments.
. . . if you think the start of deer season should be a national holiday.
. . . if the trunk of your car has ever doubled as a deep freeze.
. . . if you will only go camping for a maximum of one night because your back pack will only holds one two-four.
. . . if you have more than twenty dollars in Canadian Tire money.
. . . if you still sing the “Great White North” them song with pride
“coo-ooh-coocoo-coo-ooh-coocoo”.
. . . if you got pissed when Harold left the Red Green show.
. . . if you always have a mickey of “CC” or “Captain Morgan’s Dark” on you.
. . . if you think whoever invented de-alcoholized beer should have been strangled at birth.
. . . if you consider the theme song of Hockey Night In Canada to be
Canada’s second official National Anthem.
. . . if you found any of this funny.

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